I think we all go through cycles of faith. We have ups and downs. Ins and outs. And it’s not just in faith in a spiritual being. Faith takes all forms:
- Faith in God
- Faith in loved ones
- Faith in paths chosen
- Faith in decisions
- Faith in relationships
- Faith in abilities
- Faith in ourselves
Some people would say that a crisis of faith means your faith is weak. Because faith, by definition, is a complete trust — particularly with a lack of “proof.” But I don’t think that’s true. At least not for me. I believe that having a crisis of faith isn’t something that defines you or your trust/belief in something or someone. Truth be told, it is in the darkest times, the most troubling times when faith can can do its true work, swirling beneath the surface, building itself up. Growing. Changing. Becoming stronger.
“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” ~African Proverb
In order to grow — in any way — one must wade through the hard times, struggle with the questions and listen to one’s heart. The wounds, the doubts? They heal, bringing that faith back stronger than before. Because, honestly, if they don’t? It wasn’t truly faith anyway.
Lately I’ve been feeling a crisis of faith of my own. A crisis of faith in myself. And it’s hard to describe. I still know that when I put my mind to something, I can do it. I have everything within me to succeed. When I have goals, I will accomplish them. It’s who I am. And it’s what I do.
When you spend several years of your life with one thing on your mind, one mountain to climb, and then you achieve it? There’s a great feeling of accomplishment, of “I can do anything!” Then — suddenly — there’s a lull, a break, a question. What do I do next? Where do I go?
So, yeah, I ran 26.2 miles, and lost 100 pounds, and got a promotion at work — or whatever your mountain may be. For a goal-oriented person such as myself, once I’ve climbed that mountain and there’s not another one on the horizon, I start to doubt that I can still climb.
Really, maybe that’s the issue right there? I haven’t taken time to set out my goals for this year — for the next five, 10, 15 years. Perhaps this time around the crisis in faith in myself is more of a crisis in faith in knowing exactly what I do want to do next, where I want to go. I suppose, before I can move beyond this crisis so the faith I have in myself can continue to grow, I need to answer one question: What is my next mountain?
Tell me, what mountains are you hoping to climb this year?