‘I’m Having a Bad Body Day’

The title? A text* I sent to Mr. B last night after I realized that none of my dressy clothes fit me.

You see, we’re going out for a nice dinner tomorrow night to kick off our Chicago adventure. And I wanted to wear something a little nicer than my standard jeans. Well … insert large thighs, calves and the weight inches I’ve gained this year and nothing fits right. My stomach skin hung in all the wrong places — the shirts hugging it just so. And the sweater dress I wanted to wear (I don’t even care if they’re not “in” — I love them) rides inappropriately high on my bum, which has apparently gotten a bit more full muscular with all this running and training (something I don’t really have a problem with).

So I ventured out to the surrounding stores that were still open. And proceeded to have an immature, embarrassing meltdown on my way home empty handed. Honestly, I was having a “bad body day” where nothing was looking right, nothing was fitting right. Nothing was … well … “it.”

I’m certain the meltdown had more to do with my cold and my lack of quality sleep and some stress in life the last couple of days than any true feelings about my body. Because, as my friend Becky said, I am very proud of how far I’ve come — and SO very much better off. And, most of the time, the belly skin is manageable. But when I had one thing in mind and it didn’t work out, my stubbornness met my tiredness and chaos ensued.

After a lovely phone call from a very supportive and understanding Mr. B, I “felt my feelings” and let them go. I picked out an outfit that I’m certain will be fine. I honestly don’t care what I’m wearing because I get to spend some “off-the-grid” time with Mr. B exploring the beautiful city of Chicago and ringing in the new year. Everything else? Just gravy.

Also important to note for all of you out there who think losing weight will fix everything: It won’t. You’re still going to have “bad body days.” And bad days at work. And fights with your family. And things you don’t like about yourself. Losing weight doesn’t can’t make you happy. Being happy is about being healthy — mind, body and spirit. This journey has taught me that. Some days it’s just harder to remember that than others. Yesterday was that day for me. But through it all? I love myself. I love my life. And I recognize and TRULY appreciate the blessings I’ve been given. And that’s what makes for a happy, healthy experience on this planet.

comparison photo

Sometimes I have to stop, breathe and get a little perspective.

*Other texts and emails included: “I wish I were a better girl.” “I’m terrible at clothes.” “I’m giving up.” “This is stupid and shallow, and I am not this girl.” “OK. I’m back now. Crazy lady has left the building.” “I take full responsibility for being irrational.” “Sometimes I just need to feel my feelings and let them go.”

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “‘I’m Having a Bad Body Day’

  1. Did you look at your pictures? Look how much healthier you look now! So glad you got those feelings out of the way and can now enjoy your weekend!

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  2. First of all I wanted to say congrats on your journey. You look amazing. I can totally relate to your story. I recently have started working again and am finding none of my work clothes fit me right anymore because of my workouts. I still haven’t really found anything that I like. It never fails whenever I have an idea of what I want to get, I can never find something that fits that mental picture. It is kind of a bummer but then I just have to remember the fact that in the scheme of things clothes really aren’t that important. Have fun in Chicago!!! 🙂

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  3. Amy

    You always inspire! Tonight as I made my lunch for tomorrow I thought to myself, one day at a time…that’s what I can do for now. I pray this is my year to have the transformation you’ve had! Way to go girl! Amy D.

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  4. Pingback: Knowing Love When I See It « That's All Joy Wrote

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