A Visit from the Honesty Police

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I talk about how proud I am. I talk about how much I love my body and the things it does. I talk about how much the number on the scale shouldn’t matter because I’m doing things I never thought I could do. I talk about how my loose skin doesn’t bother me.

And, for the most part, it’s true. But sometimes? Some days? I don’t like what I see in the mirror; I get shy when I walk across the room in just my britches; I catch a glimpse of my stomach skin hanging over my pants and get really, really mad at it, knowing that pants are never going to fit me the same way they fit other women.

Sometimes, when I’m in my not-so-confident place, I look at myself and instead of seeing this:

fitness ambassador

I see this:

chicago

I makes me mad — and sad — when this happens. Mostly I AM proud and happy and confident in this new, jiggly, strong body. But there are days — we all have them — where I don’t like what I see looking back at me in the mirror. It can take some real honest, positive self talk to get out of that funk.

And I have to remind myself that it’s OK to have those days. It’s OK to not be completely happy with the person staring back at me in the mirror now and again. As long as I know it’s not how I truly, honestly, legitimately feel, I allow myself to feel those days — because they make me really stop and look at how far I’ve come. And they renew my passion, my drive and my motivation to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself.

And, then, the next day I wake up fresh and proud of what I’ve done and how far I’ve come. And I see who I am. Who I truly, truly am — loose skin and all:

running

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “A Visit from the Honesty Police

  1. …and you have every right to be proud. You’ve worked very hard and you are beautiful from deep inside clear to every bit of your outside!

    Like

  2. nancy

    You’re awesome, Kimi! I’m so glad we’re friends. 🙂

    Like

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