The Appearance of the Permagrin

I’ve been kinda quiet lately. Not because there’s nothing to write about. Because there is. Lots, in fact. My marathon is less than a week away. Exciting things are happening at work. It’s apple season in Michigan! I just spent a week in England.

Phone Booth

My week in England changed it all ...

And then, well … there’s this boy …

Do you ever feel like when things are going well — like, really, really well — you just want to keep all of the goodness for yourself? That’s kinda what I’ve been doing — holed up in my world, ignoring my little blog and soaking in the sunshine. But, I’m a writer. And eventually the words start leaking out. Drip, drip, drip … until, finally, I might as well blow the dam and share it with the world — it’s kinda hard to contain the goodness when it plasters itself all over my face in the form of a permagrin. The humming and skipping pretty much blows my cover, too.

skipping and jumping

Utter happiness is hard to contain.

Someone who I’m liking quite a bit told me to start at the beginning. And in the beginning is, well, me.

Relationships take work. All of them. The ones with our families, the ones with our coworkers, the ones with our partners and — most importantly — the ones with ourselves. They take work to make them work. I’ve been working on my relationship with Kimi Joy for a couple years now. Really, really focusing on loving her — just as she is. And loving her enough to know that she deserves better than what I’d been giving her.

I worked on my physical, emotional and spiritual health. And I was in a good place — the best place I’d been probably for my whole life. Happy. Working in a job I truly enjoy. Running. Spending time with my family. Soaking up the best that Michigan has to offer. Traveling. Sharing my joy with the world — through smiles and hugs and random acts. Making friends ’round the world. After years of wishing my life could be better, I found myself wonderfully content exactly where I was — blessed anew every morning I woke up, able to have another day.

And then something happened that knocked me off my feet. Something that stopped my life and completely changed the game. I met Mr. B. (Right now, I’m sure my family and friends are salivating … eager to hear about the elusive Mr. B. Well … I’ll give a little — but I’m not ready to give it all … yet.) Funny how when you truly care for yourself, you open yourself up to be cared for by someone else. Not because you need it but because you are worth it.

I truly believe that when you send love out into the world, it’s returned to you — 5-, 10-, 15-fold. Now, I’ve given my fair share of love into the world. But this? It certainly feels like more than my 15-fold.

So here I sit, just a month after meeting the person I never knew I should be looking for, wondering how it all happened. Life is moving fast — spinning and turning and sweeping me up. This list-maker, spreadsheet-lover, day-planner-adorer is finding herself lost in the moment. She’s trying hard to stay out of her head and live life as it comes. It’s throwing her off balance and taking her outside of her comfort zone. But you know what? It’s the best feeling in the world.

“Sometimes you don’t know you’ve crossed a line until you’re already on the other side. Of course, by then it’s too late.” ~Harry Stevenson, “Feast of Love”

It’s your turn to tell me: What do you do when you’ve found exactly what you didn’t know your life was missing?



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8 responses to “The Appearance of the Permagrin

  1. Lorrie

    I do too! And I love that you have a permagrin!


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