On Thursday I went to what turned out to be my last therapy session for the immediate future. It had been about a month since I’d been to therapy, and I’ve been feeling really great. Well-adjusted. Progressing. Dealing with life. In fact, I’ve felt more normal about my feelings — or lack of feelings — than I think I’ve ever felt in my life. It’s been a pretty solid month. And I think it’s why I’ve been so quiet on the blogging front.
My month in bullets:
- Work — Getting through some major projects and prepping for a big New York trade show for one of our publications.
- Family — Family is, well, good. We’re going through some stuff, but because I’ve been able to talk through it with my therapist, I know I’m prepared to handle it and work through it — as long as other people (who I’m not paying) are prepared to listen a bit.
- Community — I’ve picked up a new ESL student to tutor, and things are going great. She’s very sweet and eager to learn English. It’s so fun to be back tutoring and working with a motivated student.
- Training — My half marathon is less than three weeks away. I’ve been keeping up with the training and feel like I’ll
most likelybe ready to run when May 28 rolls around. I feel strong. I feel fast(-ish). I feel like a runner. I ran a training run on part of the course this weekend, and it felt great to be out there. But then we drove the actual course in the car. Wow, 13.1 miles? That’s sorta long. I started doubting that it was doable. But, after a nice little pep talk from my sister and a silly song/dance combo from my mom, I was feeling better about things. I’ve put in the hours. I’ve prepared myself as much as possible physically and mentally. And, I’ll continue to do so until the day of the race. Until then, I run.
- Fun — I’ve had a couple of much-needed half days of vacation time in the last month to spend some time with friends and family. And I’ve planned an extra “for-fun” day in New York when I’m going to get to meet up with some fellow blogging friends, run a race and enjoy some food and fun times. I’m hoping to check out a bit of the city, too, that I haven’t been able to see on my past business-only trips to New York.
- Books — I’m about five books behind on my 52 Books in 2011, but I’m not stressing. Nice, warm, summer afternoons in the park are perfect for reading good books. Besides, there’s an awful lot of 2011 left.
So, life is good. I feel happier and healthier (mentally, emotionally, physically) than I have in a long, long time. As I reviewed the last four weeks with Dr. L, she said she was impressed at how different my attitude is now compared to five months ago. Hearing her say that I’ve made great progress and am in a good place? That made me feel even better. (It’s one thing to think I’ve made progress, but for it to be seen from the outside, too? That’s pretty cool.)
In fact, it was a little difficult to even find things to talk about with Dr. L on Thursday. I mean, I’ve not thought about Amor No More in weeks. And getting on with my life after that break-up was the biggest reason I started going to therapy in the first place. I used to think about him whenever I ate at a restaurant we enjoyed. Or passed a park we used to visit. Or looked at photos from my vacations from Mexico when I visited him. But he barely crosses my mind unless I consciously think about him or talk about some the memories we made together because I refuse to bury them — they’re my memories, after all.
So, yeah. For now, therapy’s taking a back burner — both Dr. L and I agreed. I asked her if I could make some as-needed appointments this summer, depending on how I feel. Because I realize that, of course, mental health is an ongoing process. And I am a work in progress. But for now, I’m going to enjoy where my life is right now. I’m going to embrace my feeling of health and happiness, and I’m going to take things as they come — processing as I go and remembering that it’s OK to ask for help. And it’s important to talk about things. And, when there’s no one to talk to, there will be writing.
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear, which is in inherent in a human condition.” ~Graham Greene