Taking Ownership

All my life I’ve listened to society tell me what to think of myself because of my body: Too fat, too freckly, hair’s too short, calves are too big, boobs are too small, feet are (way) too big, fingers are too large, shoulders are too broad, neck’s too … well … non-existent. You name the body part, and I’ve probably hated it because of some standard set by some unknown ruler of all things beautiful.

Well, at 30, I’m finally (for the most part) content with my body. Do I want to lose these last 10 pounds? Yeah, of course. But is it the only thing that will determine how I feel about my body? Not at all. I run. I lift weights. I spin. I fight — well, if you count kickboxing and Body Combat, that is. I do all sorts of wonderful things. I look in the mirror and like the woman staring back at me — inside and out. So, I won’t let these 10 pounds define me. And I won’t let society tell me how to feel about my body anymore.

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” ~Sally Field

But, it goes deeper than that. This is my body, and I have every right to feel about it exactly how I feel about it at any given moment. Yeah, I’m more than 100 pounds lighter than I was before. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wake up some mornings and think I look like my “old, obese self.” Because, honestly, some days I do. And some days I wake up and think I actually look the size I am now. And some days I feel ugly. And some days I feel pretty. Some days I even feel tall, while others I feel short. And we all know I have bad hair days now and again. And pictures that I think are unflattering. It’s called being human. It’s called being a work in progress.

Do I let how I feel about my body define me? Gosh no. Not at all. I know that I’m a wonderful, beautiful person regardless of the scale or the tag on my jeans or the way my hair looks. But, just as I have good days and bad days emotionally and mentally, I have good days and bad days physically. And it’s OK. I’m OK with it. And how I feel about me has no bearing on how you should feel about you. I can’t shouldn’t define your feelings about your “self” just as I can’t let society define my feelings about my “self.”

Because, really, it’s no different letting society define how I feel about me when I’m at my heaviest if I let society define how I feel about me when I’m at my healthiest. There is no difference.

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I’m finally learning to own my body and my thoughts about it. I think I deserve that right. We ALL deserve that right.

It’s been made clear to me (both in real life and in blog life) that now that I have lost weight, I should be happy with my body exactly where it is. And not have a single negative thought or feeling or reaction to it. As if I can’t strive for something more. But I’m not seeking perfection. Let me tell ya: Perfection does not exist. I’m just seeking to be the very best, healthiest version of myself that I can possibly be.

At this point in my life I am, for the most part, happy with me. But I’m not 100 percent happy with anything in my life every single day. It’s just not natural.



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4 responses to “Taking Ownership

  1. wendy warren

    It makes me happy that you’re happy! Carry on!


  2. i really appreciated this post. i am envious and inspired you’re there mentally 🙂


    • Thanks, Allison. It’s taken a long time for me to be able to accept most of what I see in the mirror. And, like everyone else, I have on and off days. In fact, I feel a lot more normal about how I view my body than I’ve ever felt in my life. I finally feel like a “normal” woman.


  3. Pingback: Loving Me — All 2,000 parts « That's All Joy Wrote

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