In which I discuss five things that scare me:
- Being Alone — For the most part, I like my solitary time. I like spending an evening with a good book, a cup of tea and no one to answer to or take care of. I like being able to do what I want when I want to do it. But, when I come home from a trip or a visit to my parents’ house, I’m always a bit nervous when I open the door to my apartment — unsure what who I might find waiting for me behind the door (or, more likely, under my bed). And if I go to bed, read my book and then happen to accidentally think about The Dogman or murderers hiding just outside my bedroom window or angels watching me while I sleep, it freaks me out for just a few minutes before I fall asleep. (I know, I know, no more “NCIS” or “Law and Order: SVU” or “Criminal Minds” before bed, right?)
- Angels — Yeah, you read that right in #1. I’m a little scared of angels. Really, it’s not angels so much as it is the idea of an invisible being (spirit, essence, etc.) watching me and I don’t know about it. Sometimes I can feel a presence that makes me uncomfortable. I guess I prefer that it’s angels over the other things it could be, but it still scares me a little.
- Failure — I am scared of failure and the many forms it could potentially take. I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist, but … I’m kind of a perfectionist … in most areas of my life. I like to do my best and be the best at as many things possible. I always worked really hard in school — and my grades and the knowledge I gained show it. I give everything I’ve got to my job and put in the hours whenever and wherever I need to. I try to be the favorite daughter (heck, who am I kidding? I’m totally the favorite). Maybe it’s really a fear of disappointing people more than it’s a fear of failure. But I guess those two things are pretty deeply intertwined, though, too.
- The Dogman — Honestly, just going to the website long enough to copy and paste the link really scared me. This is a Northern Michigan legend started by the DJ at a country music station. It’s a “song” that the station typically only plays during the Halloween season or in the seventh year (read about the legend at the link, and you’ll see why the seventh year is significant). My very, super mean brothers always teased me and said The Dogman was real and was going to get me if I went outside at night (one of the verses of the song took place very near my parents’ house). But then I moved south and never had to hear that song again! Until … this year when one of the DJs at a local station visited my hometown and heard “The Legend of the Dogman” and started playing it on that station in my current town. This is one reason it’s a little hard for me to run/walk/EcoTrek at night. I’m scared of the stupid Dogman. But I’m working through it.
- Death — Not my death. Honestly, that doesn’t bother me. But I’m legitimately afraid of the day my parents die. I can’t imagine not having them around in my life. I fear that I’ll not have them at my wedding or see the joy on their faces when they play with my children. I fear that one of my siblings will die before they really know how much they mean to me. I don’t know who I am without my family. And I am afraid that one day I’ll have to find out.
Note: My sister reminded me of another fear as I was typing this entry. But, I don’t consider it a fear as much as I consider it a strong dislike: Ladybugs. I really cannot stand them. They’re gross and they mob windows and they leave a stinky little bit of yellow juice behind them wherever they go. They also land on you and just stick around. They’re totally gross. GROSS. Spiders I can handle. Snakes are no big deal. Worms and bugs and caterpillars — fine. But please keep the ladybugs away from me. Icky sticky.