Amor No More

Ever since I wrote that post about Amor, I have felt kind of liberated of my guilt. I say “kind of” because there’s still a little guilt there. But, I think that’s to be expected when you know you’re going to have to do something that hurts someone you love — and have been with for more than three years. Well, the other day I finally had the courage to do something that’s been needing to happen for a while.

And I made the phone call. That phone call that hurts. The one you have to talk yourself into and know what you want to say in advance. It was emotional. And I cried (though not as much as I expected). And he fought me tooth and nail. But I said what I needed to say. And then I said good-bye.

Honestly, ANM (Amor No More) gave me the best gift anyone could have given me: He opened the door so I could love myself again. He will always have a place in my heart, and I will always be thankful to have had him in my life. Because of that, I will not write anything negative about him. I will not delve into “what went wrong” any further than it was just time to move on. I truly believe we were in each other’s lives for a very specific purpose. We helped each other through some very, very difficult personal times. And we each grew stronger because of our love. But our relationship ran its course; it served its purpose. And now it’s time to start fresh.

So, here I am. Single again. Nearly 30. With a strength and confidence I’ve never had in my life. In a new body I’m still trying to figure out. I know what I want and what I deserve. Now, how do I do this?