Fear and Sickness

One of my biggest fears is getting sick now that I’m really taking care of myself and have taken off almost all of the weight making me obese and unhealthy. I’m not just talking about colds or the flu. I’m talking really sick. Like cancer. Or lupus. Or diabetes. The put-you-in-the-hospital, knock-you-out kinda sick. It just seems like that would be something crazy the universe would throw at me. Get healthy just to get sick.

Well, today I went to the doctor to check up on my swollen lymph node.Two weeks later and it’s still popping out of the side of my neck. The antibiotics they gave me didn’t fix the problem. In fact, this happens once every few months but has never lasted this long.

It’s funny because a while ago I asked my mom if my lymph nodes looked big in this picture.

Eating Apple in the Orchard

But, honestly, I’m finding so many new bumps and puckers in my body now that there isn’t so much fat hanging onto everything that who’s to know what’s a problem and what’s just a bone or muscle definition.

Anyway … the doctor looked at it and was a bit concerned (I could tell by the weird face she made) and sent me for some blood work and referred me to an ear, nose and throat doctor. It just makes me nervous. I’m sure it’s nothing too serious, but that doesn’t make it any easier to forget about it until I get the results back. No one likes to hear a doctor toss around statements like “white blood cell count” and “get you into the specialist as soon as we can” and “why don’t you just stop in the lab on your way out so we can process your blood test quickly.”

Plus, I may not even get the results back. “We’ll only call you if there’s a problem.” Stupidest line a doctor could ever say. So, how long do I wait for a call? A day? Two days? A week? When can I stop worrying?

Now, remember, I’m not crazy. I just tend to overthink things and plan for the worst rather than the best. That way I’m prepared and (usually/hopefully) pleasantly surprised. This is going to be a long few days.

And, did I mention that I hate having my blood drawn? So. Very. Much.


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