OK. I Confess.

I’m getting super annoyed with this body o’ mine. Honestly, I try to remain positive, knowing that the right actions will eventually produce the right results. And I do pretty well with that most of the time. But dang it. I work so hard, why can’t my body just get behind me and support me in this effort. I’ve been fighting hard to stay in the 172-176 range for the past, oh, I don’t know, several months. It used to take me less time than that to lose 30 pounds. I so badly want to hit 171 and then work my way down to my goal of 151.

I know that weight loss slows as you get closer to goal. I know that we all will hit plateaus. I know that when you weigh less you have to work harder to take (and keep) the weight off. I know that my body probably doesn’t know what to do with itself since this is the lowest it’s ever weighed as a grown up. I know that, sometimes, maintaining on this journey is as big a success as losing. I know all of these things. But that doesn’t stop them from being annoying.

I do make a point to remind myself of the other benefits I’ve seen since losing all of this weight. I recognize the health benefits, the energy gains, the self-confidence boost, the overall good feeling I have about myself and how far I’ve come. I know that at 173 pounds, I’m a different person than I was at 271 pounds. I truly do know that the scale is simply one way to measure my successes. And I know that it is, ultimately, just a number. I don’t like playing scale games — or the scale playing games with me. I mean, how can we put so much weight in a little digital read-out that changes based on how much water we drank or how what pants we’re wearing or how long it’s been since we went to the bathroom?

I think I’m just really bothered by it because I am this close to a nice, big round number that I so desperately want to see one of these days. I’ve tried everything that’s supposed to work to bust through this plateau: eating more calories, eating fewer calories, eating different amounts of calories every day, switching up my diet, switching up activities, upping protein, lowering carbs, moving more, moving less, sleeping more, stressing (or trying) less, weighing myself more often, weighing myself less often, waiting it out, pushing through it … and the list goes on. And I’ll continue to do everything I need to do to get me where I want to be. I’m just frustrated that it’s taking so long when I’m doing everything right. I’m certain once I hit that mark I’ll settle down a little and be content to meet the non-scale milestones and victories just as much as I like hitting the scale victories. In the meantime, I’ll just keep on keepin’ on.

I guess one victory is that “old” me would have given up on this a long time ago. “If my body doesn’t want to be lower than 173, I can just give up working out and eating right, right?” Instead, I get up at 5 — er, 5:15 — every day and go to the gym. I make good, healthful food choices. And I like it. I like this new me — not just how she looks, but how she feels, how she acts, how she reacts, who she is. I just wish she’d get with the program right now.


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